A schisim in the First Church of the John Deere 650!

Weez been a havin troubled times at the First Church of the John Deere 650. The congregation is full of deep thinkers and sometimes folks gets riled up over them deep philosophical questions and we cant agree.

Now we all agree on the Gospel, the Holy Ghost, and Revelations. We can settle our diferences on Steering Clutches, Torque Converters, Root Rakes, Roll Over Protection Structures, and Final Drives, but the Counter rotation issue is tore us apart.

The John Deere aint got no Counterrotation. You steer by lockin one track. With the other track movin it turns the dozer. The Case 850K LGP gots counter rotation. When you turn hard, one track turns one way and the other track turns another.

I wont wade through the pros and cons of Counter rotation cept say that we now got two congregations a meetin at the trailer. The First Church of the John Deere 650 which meets there in the morning and the The First Church of the Case 850K LGP that meets there in the afternoon. The Honorable Buck Nekid presides at both services.

Gettin yore truck ready fer summer

It is that time of year. The dogwoods and the azeleas is a bloomin, and the temp is gettin into the 80s an I heered a skeeter the other day so you now winter is bout over.

Its time to gets yore truck ready fer summer.

Furst. Take the duct tape off the dash vents. They stopped the cold air frum comming thru the dash in the winter time but now that aint no problem. Then puts the battery powered fan on yore dashboard.

It sore is nice wen spring comes and the bitter cold winter is gone!

Plannin fer the future wif yore nonferrous IRA

Folks, its time to talk serious.

What are you doin to plan fer yore retirement?


I have been building this account fer my retirement fer years. It is a nonferrous scrap metal IRA. Everythin is aluminun, copper, brass or stainless steel. It wont rust so you dont need a shed to store it in. You can pile it up in the yard if'n the wife will let you-- and your kin wont steal it from you, but I gots a place in the deep woods were I store mine.

Lots of folks jus throws this scrap metal away. Wen I gets the chance I drive thru the neighborhoods in Gainesville on trash day and I usually find half a truck load set out fer the trash man before the day is done. Another good ID is to make friends wif the dump boss and sometimes he will let you pull out the good stuff frum the trash pile.

I used to bring it home and put it in my back yard but my Ex wouldnt have it, so now that I am single again, I gots this secret hidin place to store it wif no mean Exwife to mess up the project.

Now I gots a good truck and a good scrap babe, Mabel, to go junkin wif me. Aint nothing better than to leave Beaulaland wif yore truck empty on a clear country morning and come back thru the gate wif the truck full of old radiators, lawn chairs, outdoor grills, junk air conditioners and aluminun sidin wif country music on the radio and yore hound dog barkin and chasing the truck back to the trailer! I jus dont get any better than that folks!

You is makin money doin what you love wif who you love. And yer hound dog,and your truck loves you too.

Wen I am ready to cash it out, I will build a pole barn with a ceement floor to process this scrap. I will set up my chop saw and get out the torches and clean the steel outa the good metal, separate it and grade it, then haul it down to the recyclin place and get paid.

I gots several accounts and they all is worth more every year and some of it is valuable artwork that is worth more than the scrap! Them pictures above shows my winders account and my awnings account as well as the main account.

Is this a great country or what?

Redneck Yard Art

Folks! I gots this valuable piece of Redneck Yard Art that I will sell to the highest bidder! It doan hafta all be in cash. I will take part in trade fer tractors, trucks, hound dogs, guns or power tools.

Cousin Lonnie says it is two of the legendary four sawhorses of The Apocalyse and only comes up fer sale every hundered years or so so this as a rare opportunity fer you art peoples to get this timeless masterpiece!

Here is the skinny on this here art work.

ArTist / Buck Nekid
Title : Sawhorses of the Apocalyse
Provinence: From the livin Estate of Buck Nekid
Style: Redneck Yard Art
Price: Biddin starts at five thousand dollars. Biddin stops July 4th.

Viewing, Artwork can be viewed at the Good Ole Boy Trailer at Beaulaland near Wacahoota, Florida. Jus go to Wacahoota an aske bout Buck an Mabels Place and they will tell you how to gets there.

THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!

I wuz lookin fer some nice art to class up the Good Ole Boy Trailer at one of them high falootin art sites. I wuz lookin fer sum velvet paintins of Elvis, or Elvis at the Last Supper or meybe a paintin of them dogs playin poker. I expected to pay top doller fer them as you gots to pay fer quality. I had 50 dollars that I pulled out of my billfold sittin by the computer to buy this art.

An this is wut I found fer THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!

Sum feller who thinks mighty high of hisself made this creation which looks like a broke gate hinge, hangin on a bolt, wif two rusted out eye bolts a hangin down on a wire an he is askin THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS fer it!

Artist Name: Robert Carston Arneson
Category: Sculpture
Title: Earth Hangup
Signed: Unavailable
Size: 64"H x 7"W x 4"D
Medium: Ceramic
Material/Ground:
Style: Contemporary
Subject: Abstract/Modern
Created: Circa 1970
Price: $35,000
Ad Number: AAIG52457

Lordy! If this is worth that then I am richer than I ever knowed! If that is valuable art then I gots plenty of valuable art layin around the trailer that I will let go fer half that price!

Wait till I tell Cousin Lonnie bout this!

Finally got the dang computer a workin again!

Had to call a geek frum the Geek Squad to fix it and waited over 2 weeks to gets a new hard drive for the dang thing!

WE ALL GONNA DIE!

Cousin Lonnie tole me bout this giant statue of Earth that fell apart at sum college near Atlanta. I aint the type of feller to worry bout them cosmic thangs but this has got me a thinkin.

Sum skupter feller made this giant statue of Earth and it wuz supposed to show folks how fragile the earth is and the whole blame thing fell out apart on the furst day! You reckon somebody is tryin to tell us somethin?

I heered bout global warmin and that doan bother me none cept mess up my firewood sales in the winter. Hurricanes is a gettin worser, but they wuz allways bad. All them foreigners like Al Queda and Harry Kristna shuld be run outa town on a rail but it aint the end of the world. So wut is this omen perdictin?

Ever since they found that statue of Elvis on Mars a wile back, I've been spooked bout the future. Saw a show on TV bout sum feller named Armegeddon who's sposed to be the AnitChrist whos gonna cause volcanoes, earthquakes, and tidal waves, an a giant himmorroid frum outer space crashing into earth sometimes soon. (Probably jus after I pay off my mortgage)

So I didnt need to hear bout this spooky omen jus now!

I hate to tell ya this folks, but I've been thinkin bout it a lot.

WE ALL GONNA DIE!